Waves of Change

7/26/2022

Coming down off the wave of a week where all I involved myself with was love, self care, connection, friendship, relaxation, exploration and my own whims.  The transition from my vacationing life back to a working life has some bumps and threatens to amp up the frustration, the irritation, the agitation of a soul desiring a greater change.  I do not judge myself for resting, like I would have in the past.  No longer do I value being productive over being present.  The urge to impress others is gone.  I yearn to impress myself.  To leave an imprint on my own heart.  A glorious fossil, marking the time when I followed my dreams, lived fully as myself, and loved so freely the air around me thrummed with the energy of it.   I long to tattoo my soul with the artistry of a life persistently and deliberately well lived.  

The image arises of a deep well, a cavern swollen with mineral rich water, seeping through the walls slowly into the soil and nourishing the burgeoning life hidden in the cool darkness.  The slow trickle, gently pulling the molecules of itself forward, digging pathways gently to spaces unknown to enrich that new realm and offer refreshing gulps of itself up, surrendering to the cycle and knowing that it is transmuting, its essence always water, but its energy and power working with the ingredients of life to support the growth, the thriving, the decline and the return to the earth.  

Part of the cycle is destruction, and the water plays its part too, freezing into jagged hard edges that cut and split apart the veins of life it previously moved through.  Pelting down from the sky in wet, thunking chunks, severing pieces from the whole to aid in the ruination and re-integration. 

Cascading in a flood so overwhelming that all balance is lost and a life is suffocated by the prolonged separation from the rest of what nourishes it.  

But sometimes, just on the edge of that moment, when the pain and fear is at its most extreme, when your lungs feels as though they are about to burst or implode or succumb and allow the water entry in a restricted place.  Just before destruction finalizes into a more terminal condition, 

It ebbs and you emerge, air caressing your face, entering your lungs, and breathing new life into you.